Chances are excellent that you will outlive your pet. We do our best to help them live long, healthy, and happy lives but, as author Agnes Sligh Turnbull wrote, "Dogs' lives are too short. It's their only fault, really." Whether you love a dog, cat, or other animal, the time will come when you'll need to say good-bye.
The grieving process can be very complex. It differs in content, quality, and duration according to many factors such as religious or philosophical beliefs as well as how the pet died, whether there are other pets in the home, and the existence of a close and understanding support group made up of family and friends.
Three Stages of Grieving
The Canadian Mental Health Association identifies possible feelings associated with mourning and groups them into three stages.
- Numbness - disbelief that the death has taken place results in a feeling of numbness or shock that can last several weeks to months.
- Disorganization - numbness subsides and reality sets in along with possible physical symptoms such as extreme fatigue and shortness of breath. Anger (i.e.: toward yourself, the veterinarian, or even the pet itself) and guilt (i.e.: "I should have taken him to the veterinarian sooner.") are common during this period. Disorganization can also include the fear of emotional outbursts that threaten to arise at unforeseen moments such as at work, school, or while socializing with friends. This stage can last weeks, months, or several years, depending on the individual.
- Re-organization - just when it seems that the pain will never disappear, the re-organization phase emerges. While we still feel the loss, it moves to the back of our minds and more immediate issues return to the forefront. According to the CMHA, "Eventually, there will be periods when you do not dwell on your loss, and you can focus on daily tasks."
How to Cope
- Surround yourself with like-minded people who understand the bond you shared with your pet. "He was only a dog," and "You can get another cat," are often-heard sentiments meant to help but, in reality, may likely cause you to feel anger or frustration. While your feelings are still raw, try to keep a distance from those who don't understand.
- Animals often take up a great deal of time and thought. When that animal is no longer present, your daily routine will change. Consider utilizing this time with a brisk walk, joining a social group, or returning to an interest or hobby that you enjoyed in the past.
- Give yourself time and permission to grieve.
- Try to avoid the urge to make big changes in your life during the grieving period. In the same way that many prescription drugs come with the warning, "Do not operate heavy machinery while taking this medication," your emotions may prevent you from making the right decisions. Whenever possible, postpone life-altering decisions until you think you can trust your feelings again.
- If you feel that you need more help, book an appointment with your family doctor. Thankfully, it is a known fact that people with a strong human/animal tie can suffer the same grieving process that was once applicable only to the passing of a fellow human being.
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